Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize