I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we're so committed to being not committed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
