Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
