well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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