Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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