I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
