lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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