Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize