you traded sex for a burrito?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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