So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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