his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
