My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
