it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Found the puke drawer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
