Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
