I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
