I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
