Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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