She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He better not be in your backpack
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I AM VODKA MAN
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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