lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
