I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
