Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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