Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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