Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
