Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
