i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
