The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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