your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
