You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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