In the future we'll all be gay
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
