HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
