If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
