And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
