even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
