Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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