I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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