He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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