If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
do nipples grow back?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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