Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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