the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
