i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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