I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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