Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
