Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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