this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
