After last night, I could never be a politician.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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