When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this boner is exhausting
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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