Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
