hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
