My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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