Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
