I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
