i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
