you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
