finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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