Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
