I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
