know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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