a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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