Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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