At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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