her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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