his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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