You're my little dorito
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
