She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she peed on how many people?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
