I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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