This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
