Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
