If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize