ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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