we're chasing vodka with high fives
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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