LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
