I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
