At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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