beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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