How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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