when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
