I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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