I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
