I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
