I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
