so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
