I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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