The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
