Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
