Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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