He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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